Marcel Vigneron, I Detest You

"I really couldn't do that without a thermal immersion circulator."

"I really felt I didn't need the leadership and kind of did my own thing."

"I engage in avant-garde molecular gastronomy."

"Are you familiar with the plantain? Ok, great."

Ok, so that last one was Stephen Asprinio from last season's Top Chef, but the rest are from that ridiculous pile of bad hair and worse cooking skills who makes my life miserable every Wednesday night at 10pm (9 Central). Marcel needs to be stopped. If he were a decent chef, I might even give him a pass, but he is a kitsch artist passing himself off as gourmet with very few skills, less personality and an absolutely heroic ability to be inarticulate and almost sublimely retarded in the kitchen. The culinary abortions, to borrow a phrase from Stewart Gilligan Griffin, which he assembles (I will NEVER say "creates") are as lackadaisical as they are disgusting. I'm sorry, cutting a slice of watermelon in a circle does not entitle you to call it a "steak." It's not creative, it's a cheap cop-out. People like Cliff, Elia (despite the fact that she was sorely lacking in the leadership department tonight), Sam and Ilan are far and away better chefs for the simple reason that they are more willing to adapt their creations in the chase for the best taste then the best looks. I have a hard time believing any of those people would ever complain about the lack of a thermal immersion circulator. Marcel falls victim to the very same notion which damns Bobby Flay: Just because you press elements of food into a ring and then hit it with some squeeze bottle full of some crap sauce you "invented" doesn't make the product haute cuisine. People like Marcel are killing the restaurant industry, there I said it. No one who actually cares about food wants to eat Turkey Roulade that's been dumbed down to the point of tastelessness, completely lacking in any measure of soul, in order to be chic. Only people who care about being trendy go in for that crap. To be avant garde is necessary, of course, expanding boundaries is necessary in any pursuit, food included. Just don't act like what you're doing is so terribly important to the point where you begin to think your food is actually good, okay Marcel?

P.S. Mia did the right thing tonight. The judges (for some ungodly reason), I believe, were actually going to send Elia home. While her leadership skills are questionable, especially after the complete disaster that tonight's challenge became for her team, Mia allowed herself to twist in the wind. She didn't, as Chef Colicchio pointed out, speak up for herself enough, and so she must reap what she has sown. Classy move, though, the leaving thing.